Philosopher, historian, poet, musician. Philosophic-scientific naturalist, individualist feminist, post-revolutionary democratic communist.
There are basically two distinct ways of leading your life. The first is to follow someone else into obscurity—blind, cold, and full of false promises. All over the world, there is a plethora of false prophets ready to abuse your faith and trust, ready to betray you at the next moment if it is to their own advantage.
The second, then, is to enlighten the way in front of you by your own lights—take reason as your guide, and it shall never betray you. You may be wrong from time to time in certain circumstances, of course, yet it is not owing to your reason but your feelings that you may head for the wrong direction at some or other intersection. It is, however, better to make a false decision, so that you will have learned something in the end, than to be betrayed, so that the only things to remain shall be bitterness and repentence.
For if you follow your own lights, you will be able to track your way back to the intersection where you turned wrong, whereas you shall be helpless once you lose your orientation in the tenebrosity of faith, so that there will be no return.
This weblog has had its fair share of phases of total inactivity, and again it has not seen anything posted by its author, that is by me, in a long while because I have not been doing well. Of course I am not going into any detail here. The question is simply whether I even wish to continue maintaining this weblog, since I have always felt that my thoughts are at best only of minor interest to its readers. But then again, this may only be my subjective, selective perception heavily influenced by my recurrent depression. As of now, I have not reached any final conclusion as to the matter.
What little creativity I could manage has gone into musical compositions; apart from this, I have not written a single word of creative work. I feel both emotionally and intellectually exhausted, devoid of sense and purpose. I cannot think of anything else to say right now.
So I actually left this house for a change after all these months of depression, helplessness, and no creativity whatsoever so as to travel to Cologne and see Lisa Hannigan perform live at Studio 672. While it was good to leave the house for a while, the place could not have been smaller and more awkwardly crowded. Standing shoulder to shoulder with dozens of strangers sweating like hound dogs in tiny spaces with nowhere to move is usually the kind of situation I try to avoid, but there I stood, and I thought to myself, ’What the hell, let’s get this over with.’ My feet hurt a little, yet all in all it was worth while. A different band than all these years accompanied Lisa, yet the performance was lovely – only the local sound system could have been better. After the concert there actually was an opportunity to meet and talk to Lisa, so I waited until everyone save me had left and thanked Lisa for motivating me to start playing the guitar again, which I had quit altogether for a couple of years since the music kept reminding me of someone of whom I no longer wished to think. This little conversation between two musicians revealed that this down-to-earth woman actually has much more interesting and intelligent things to say than in any given interview with her. The latter have always made her look a little stupid and empty-headed, although that may be my impression alone. I suppose it depends upon your specific statements and questions. Fret not, dear readers, though, I am not going to waste everyone’s time by reproducing the entire conversation here – suffice it to say it was a private conversation about our personal relationships to music in general and songwriting in particular.