Please never ask me how I keep going. I have no idea how – or even why, for that matter. All I know is this: The shadows will never tire of chasing me, and there is no long-term escape. Just now they are closing in on me again, as I stumble and sputter along the well-trodden path, bound for another fall. I can feel them everywhere, in the glaring sun as well as in the pale moonlight. The space to manœvre, or even move at all, decreases rapidly with each step and with each breath I take. I desperately clasp every little bit of happiness I have managed to get a hold on and tack on to my heart. Yet there is not a hope in hell when the time comes for the shadows to engulf me. And they will feast upon me, eagerly and mercilessly devouring whatever I may naively have believed to be mine to keep, from the fondest memories to the most intense feelings of love still lingering. Finally, they will leave me alone in the dark to rot for two eternities. Alas, they need my repeated suffering to nourish them, and so they will leave the seeds of false hope to be betrayed to grow another tree of life from within the despair-infested grounds. For where death would be the only true companion, only emptiness awaits to corrupt the very essence of my being. May the day that death do us part come soon.
It was a sun-lit morning in early spring,
When the stars and the moon aligned well.
The birds had foreseen your arrival,
My darling, my beloved, the only one I would ever have.
But the winds turned against me,
And their lovely tune turned into a howling.
I now wear the shadows of night in my eyes,
For the cold of winter ate my soul.
Now I long for the ferry
to carry me over to the land of the dead.
I realize that my wish has been granted,
For I have been its helmsman for a very long time.
Commentary Clearly inspired by ‘Bríd Óg Ní Mháille’, I intended to write this in Gaeilge. Since I only have a very rudimentary understanding of that language’s structure right now, however, I decided to put it on hold for the time being and instead just publish an English version. My best efforts of writing this piece in Gaeilge included the use of several online dictionaries, Wikipedia, Google Translate, and other semi-reliable sources. Besides, I do not wish any native speaker to come across this only to get the impression I were disrespecting the language or culture.