Please never ask me how I keep going. I have no idea how – or even why, for that matter. All I know is this: The shadows will never tire of chasing me, and there is no long-term escape. Just now they are closing in on me again, as I stumble and sputter along the well-trodden path, bound for another fall. I can feel them everywhere, in the glaring sun as well as in the pale moonlight. The space to manœvre, or even move at all, decreases rapidly with each step and with each breath I take. I desperately clasp every little bit of happiness I have managed to get a hold on and tack on to my heart. Yet there is not a hope in hell when the time comes for the shadows to engulf me. And they will feast upon me, eagerly and mercilessly devouring whatever I may naively have believed to be mine to keep, from the fondest memories to the most intense feelings of love still lingering. Finally, they will leave me alone in the dark to rot for two eternities. Alas, they need my repeated suffering to nourish them, and so they will leave the seeds of false hope to be betrayed to grow another tree of life from within the despair-infested grounds. For where death would be the only true companion, only emptiness awaits to corrupt the very essence of my being. May the day that death do us part come soon.
As I admitted elsewhere, traditional Irish music calls to me, as though it touched the very essence of my being. This traditional tune, Bríd Óg Ní Mháille, is, however, not only heart-wrenching if you know what the lyrics mean and connect them to the music, it may as well completely destroy you. It most certainly did destroy me.
There is also another modern version of this by the group The Corrs, but I prefer this version. To be sure, this is a matter of personal preference. Since I am not (yet) fluent in Gaeilge, I am simply going to provide a link to the lyrics here. I do not claim any rights or correctness thereof, both as to the original lyrics in Gaeilge and the English translation.
Now I shall leave you to the incredible beauty and sadness of this song.